Poem: I Climbed the Tallest Tree

(This isn’t bright and sunny. If you read, read to the end.)

I Climbed the Tallest Tree

I climbed the tallest tree once
with a noose about my neck
i had given up on living
since life gave up on me

it was the tallest tree for a reason
no one answered my plea
i could call from every street corner
and they only injured me

When they saw me up there
with the noose about my neck
they finally saw the ending
i had in mind back then

so many false praises
so many prayed in hope
many begged me come down there
I just told them “Nope.”

As I set my rope hanging
another voice called out
“That tree isn’t right for you
there’s one that would make a perfect spot.”

I paused in my action
as if these words are right
this tree doesn’t suit my person
the person may be in the right

but I did not return to the ground
to see to anyone there
just this one who called out
as if they’ve been here and there

i crossed the boughs and branches
as they walked through the land
soon this forest ended
but the tree they called for is over there

I landed as it ended
we talked a bit now and then
about how they picked this tree
when they wanted to try to end

i sought out attention
assuming that would matter
they were simple in thought
the water only mattered

“Why not drown if water calmed?”
“That was my thought as well,
but when I tried switching out
the water refused to offer.”

They take my noose
and help me up
into the boughs of this tree
setting things right just for me

but as I stared at the work
they clearly knew how to do
I wondered what they would say
if I refused to do it.

“Perfect,” they said
having succeeded in the task
“But perfect still,” they add,
“Would be if it is stayed empty.”

I blink and wonder what to do
since I made such a plan
collected things and time
to put forth my effort then

and this person came upon me
saying they’ve been there before
and the attempt wasn’t worth it
not because of failure of the rope

this person spoke of freedom
i thought i would regain
death sounds so perfect
until you call its name

all it is is ending
nothing after it
and even if there was something
you’ll be denied it

“Forgive me to think you didn’t weigh
all the pieces in life,
but maybe wait a day.
We can watch the skies.”

Sitting beside this person
who sat the same as me
who stood in my own markings
before I could even breathe

they understood my future
because they live it now
it’s not as if there’s a real reason
only that this ends all hope

we waited out the day
and chatted as if the best of friends
the moment the sun loomed heavy
they asked me yet again

“Are you ready for this moment?
Should we wait again?
Is today worth ending
the chance of seeing sunset?”

It’s not as if I have decided
to give up on my thought
but maybe getting breakfast
would be a better use of time

“The noose is going nowhere.
Your skill is plenty told.
I am getting hungry
if you don’t mind us moving on.”

To think that small moment
where I asked about a meal
would light up their face
to show the hope in the ideal

breakfast would be perfect
as long as those who spoke
saying they knew exactly
how to fix my heart

those people who are liars
cheaters and worse
they are not welcome
in the future of my life

they only caused me pain
and suffering that’s insane
and they assume my attempted death
would not be in their name

my ally who has tried before
who loved the water more than most
they stand at my side
as I fight on

Life is worth it just because
i have the friend who’ll fight
beside me when I feel lost
when hope isn’t bright

if you feel the same
or at least a part of it
know you aren’t alone
and just wait a day before the attempt