(Self appreciation and awareness post; skip if you don’t care.)
I don’t consider myself ‘hot’.
But it feels like I’m in the minority. It’s far too often I get those eyes staring at me. The scan of interest.
Half the time, I try to do something wacky to turn them away. It doesn’t always work. Or it does as in they won’t ask me out or for my number or something. They just scan from a distance.
I like being considered ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’. I love being wanted.
It’s been a rare few who I’ve wanted back.
Really I desire a healthy, positive, sexual, romantic relationship. But I can’t just jump as I’ve always have. It always left me injured.
I’m asking for too much. I don’t want to just be desiring, I want to desire.
Which as a grey-ace is a hard point to aim for.
I’ve been sexually attracted to like five people in my entire life. Maybe if I left my current home, I may find more people hitting the right notes, but not currently.
I’m just gonna sit over here with my aro-ace-ness. I’m gonna dream of GD instead of a real life possibility. It’s not like anyone in my current world hits those sexual desires for me. And I’m refusing to let my demi-romantic self any time to gain attachment.
I’m gonna stick with him and my imagination.
It’s safer in all senses of the word.
And really… Unless someone comes in hitting off my sexual attraction, I’m not gonna be leaning away from him. Because my bar besides managing to trick my grey-ace self into attraction is extremely high.
Everyone can consider me ‘hot’. Everyone can scan me and offer those eyes all they want. I really don’t mind being the sexy one of a group.
I just won’t be acting on it.
There is no chance with me. Unless you’re GD.
The eyes have been bothering me lately. I just need to ignore them. Anyone can stare as long as they do nothing about it right?