It’s been a month since I marked hiatus. It’s been a month into 2022. And it’s Lunar New Year!

Wish I could join a big Lunar New Year celebration. But pretty much everyone is home. No big groups. I’ll bet Dragon is the next big celebration. And it’ll be bigger than ever because of it means something.

I can hope the pandemic is completely over by then. It’s close and far at the same time.

([Happy New Year!] [Happy New Year] I believe are lunar new year posts. I’ve been hating on the expected calendar’s new year even if I create goals for it. There’s many reasons I hate on settler requirements.)

It’s been a month into 2022. Pandemic is still going. It’ll be interesting to read and recall this time. It’ll make me anxious to remember, because so many people act like we’re not still in a pandemic. That long covid isn’t a thing. That death isn’t still likely.

I feel very much ignored as a disabled person. Covid isn’t much worse than my normal. My normal just makes people wish to die. Including me. You don’t want to struggle to my level. It’s not a fun or pretty life.

I started goals Jan 1st 2022.

::Cat’s 2022 Goals::

  1. Get a job outside of the house that does not deal with people.
  2. Complete and publish Writer’s Stuff.
  3. Complete and publish All or Nothing.
  4. Add at least one book to Cat Hartliebe (paperback and ebook).
  5. Add at least one book to Tod Leben (paperback and ebook).
  6. Convert Leagende into 6 hard covers.
  7. Add at least one book to Cat Gillette.
  8. Write at least 100 poems (excluding Poem a Day May poems).
  9. Help Cyro face their traumas.
  10. Write at least 3 novels.
  11. Rewrite at least one story.
  12. Create a themed poem book.
  13. Poem a Day May 2022.
  14. Write a blog post and instagram post for each published book.
  15. Reach out to someone every day.
  16. Have a proof copy of my cookbook.

And I’ve slacked. I’ve basically treated the year as not really starting. I’m still burned out from last year. I’m still exhausted from the pandemic. I don’t know how confident I’ll be with my goals this year. The list is overall pretty easy, but that still requires effort.

So far I’ve written over 70 poems. I’m nearly done with the goal because as a writer that’s been my constant all month. I’m averaging like three poems a day. You can read them on Instagram. All of them are currently posted there. That won’t always be the case. And the one I posted today may get deleted. It wasn’t my best work.

I’ve also completed Cinders, Beast, and Last Run. They are all long short stories. You may classify them as novellas. They are not novels. I’ll write novels another time.

Besides that? I’ve been focusing on Cyro. The situation there isn’t good. I’m fighting. I’m wearing down from the fight.

What I should be spending more energy on is reaching out to others. Socializing will save me. But there’s no one… No one who makes me want to reach out. It’s not depression.

The only people who reach out to me are either bots or want to fuck my brains out. Neither is preference. I’m pulling away from humans in general. I’ve been hurt so much.

I shouldn’t pull away. I should step out. But

I don’t trust anyone.

All I get is hurt.

I want to get the blog active again. Mostly to boost my work already done.

Push me.

Reach out to me.

I need support. I need someone to care.

Stop me from hating life. I need help. And not from “mental health services” because they only make my situation worse. They don’t understand. They don’t get it. They can’t.

Email: CatHartliebe@gmail.com

Google chats or email are both reachable. I need a friend.

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