Alright you don’t believe me, right? 권지용 can’t possibly be my ultimate option for romantic notion.
You don’t believe in my #DailyGDPoem nonsense I post on Instagram [It’s a Thing].
How could I mark him? How can I know him well enough to pick him?
Okay. I’ll give. I don’t know him that well. Can’t see inside his mind or anything. So I’ll let you decide by showing off my novel openings. (I can send anyone the novel. I cannot publish it. I cannot make any -ANY- money off it without expressed legal permission of 지용. Which even if I did, this is a first draft. It takes pieces of me I don’t want to show the world and shows it off.)
And they are more simplified versions of the real life people. I always do that when I do an insert person here. [First Meeting] is literally that (although nuanced).
I’ll also show off my kinda sorta First Meeting I made for 지용 as well as Comeback Tour at some point. Comeback Tour found in [Just a Little Bit of Life] was created for 지용. Literally for him. And it’s published. You can’t say it’s for him, but I can say that.
This story has concerns and triggers. Assume everything. You’ll luckily be wrong, but it’s not far from the truth. My life created Tod. Tod didn’t just appear out of thin air. I do try to keep the bulk of the chaos off screen.
Idol’s Gaze
Chapter 1: Writer’s Block
(You should be able to say this is the 권지용, but my main character? Clueless.)
Always a writer’s block. No matter where I go or what I try, there’s always a block. I pull off the headphones and place the laptop on the picnic table. I tried coming to the park. River backs up against a nice beach area. The little tables I use sit just on the edge of the beach before it turns to grass. I scan the area again. I came here in an effort to face off with the dreaded writer’s block.
“It’s not working.” I scrunch up my nose and pull the headphones from the computer. GD comes blasting out of the little speakers. He’s been trying to help me blast through this block.
Nothing has worked. Not cleaning. Not cooking. Not changing my placement.
I start pacing around the table swaying some to the music. It’s hard to deny the dance when the music hits right. GD’s music always hits right.
It’s frustrating to have so many different pieces that need to line up and nothing seems to be lining up. “I have a bunch of pigeons squawking over a French fry.”
I twirl to the music while my thoughts rumble around in my head.
At some point my story falls to the weigh side as the song takes claim to my headspace. And my body’s actions. Dancing around the table… Balancing on the block fence between the grass and sand… I look a mix between gymnast and dancer. I’m really neither. I just won’t stop moving to the music.
“Love the music.”
I freeze mid-step as a man walks over. His grin says easy going, but there’s a reason I’m sworn off every masculine persona- minus GD. He’s also a Korean superstar completely out of my reach.
Still this guy sways a little to the music instead of moving to my side. He has as if noticed my unease and keeps distance. “This is my favorite part.” He even sings along with GD. Has talent. Hope he’s using it. I wish I was using some of my talent. Life really isn’t that easy, though. So many people in New Jersey have skill and no way to show it off.
I step closer to my computer and just watch as he belts out a series of notes I would think hard to do. Clearly he knows Korean. Scanning him, he clearly looks Korean. His grin as the song finishes spooks me a little. I catch his eyes not meaning to and just refocus on my computer. “I can…”
“Lower it? It’s a touch distracting.” He nods to the hill. I can see a collection of people doing something. Pod cast? Youtube video? It’s not exactly a cheap area. The river goes to the bay and then the ocean. This park sits near several million dollar homes. And one of those rich people is doing something.
“Should I leave?”
“We have the area marked off.” He shrugs. “Cool music.”
“Um.” I mute my computer. “I’m sorry for being distracting.”
He steps closer and I freeze again. That has him stop. “My name’s Jiyong. You are…?”
“Cat.”
“Just Cat?”
I freeze. “Cat Hartliebe… No…”
“No?”
I sigh and sit before my computer. “Cat Hartliebe is my penname. I’m actually Catherine Gillette, a nobody from nowhere.”
“Who has good music tastes.” Jiyong chuckles. “If you’re here when we’re finished shooting, I’ll come say hi.”
I bite my lip as he disappears back to the hill. Several greet him with chatter.
I think of packing up. It wouldn’t take much. I’m always one step away from being able to flee. I froze. Random guy was caught by my music. I couldn’t even make small talk. There’s been too many random guys in my life for that. “I should get a girlfriend.”
I blink and reopen my story. Girlfriend! That’s it! It wasn’t fitting right because she wants a girlfriend. She wouldn’t accept being forced into a relationship with a man. That’s the problem!
I squint at the screen so glad to be making such progress. Squint… I look over at the setting sun. “That’s my cue to pack up. I can work elsewhere.”
I move my items into my bag taking one last long swig of the soda that was keeping me alive.
“Wait.”
I freeze spotting Jiyong moving this way. “Uh…”
“You’re not doing anything wrong.” Jiyong hops the fence and moves closer this time. I’m more mouse caught by a cat. “We’re about to take a break and I was so glad you’re still here.”
I look to the hill. “Losing light.”
“Yeah… Outdoor shots have time restraints.” Jiyong smiles. “So… Can I… Ask for…?”
I stare at him a long moment. “My favorite GD song?”
Jiyong shrinks. “Um… That would be nice to know, but… I kinda wanna…” He curses lightly and looks back up the hill. His crew is packing things up.
I frown. Do I really want to do this to myself again? How many times, Cat? How many times do you make a fool of yourself? It’s supposed to be GD or no one. “My number? Handle? App of choice’s name?”
His eyes catch mine again. It’s a rich brown. It has me lick my lips. “Yeah.”
I turn aside. I’m stupid. I rattle off my phone number. Then let him know my insta and google hangouts. “I’m also on Twitter… But I’m not as active anymore.” I pause waiting for him. I repeat as request. To have him want to know? I’m going to berate myself. I always regret relationships. I’m supposed to be not available. “I’m heading to Barnes and Noble to keep working. They close at ten if you’re interested in stopping by.”
I hear my phone ding. I don’t look at it until Jiyong tells me to. Hangouts. “It’s yours?”
“I hope so.”
I chuckle at the handle. “You’re a wise dragon, huh?”
“It’s stupid, but… Sometimes we want a way to hide who we truly are.”
I sigh looking at the handle. Stupid nickname. “I’d rather have the chance to truly be who I am in the open. I’m sick of games. Society has been cruel to far too many.”
“Jiyong!” A yell from the hill. They say something in Korean. NJ does have a decent Korean population. It’s not that shocking to have a bunch of people speaking it.
“I gotta go.” Jiyong reaches out for me, but I back off. “Maybe I can meet you up later. Text me the location you’re picking.” He steps back. There’s uneasiness on his face before he exhales and races back to his team.
I put everything away as I was doing before he came over. “I managed the block. And perhaps created a new one. I’m stupid.” I look at the water. The sunset means I need to leave. “Don’t fall for anyone, Cat. They will only end up abusing you as everyone has before.”
With tears as my companion, I move to the car. I got my break. I sit in the driver’s seat and cry. I can’t drive like this.
-ding-
I look at Wise Dragon’s text. ‘This is Jiyong.’ was from before. Simple and polite. Now, he comments, ‘We’re going to get dinner. Hope I can hear from you soon.’
I’m stupid. I tap the keys, ‘Same.’ Shaking off my desire to curse myself off, I head home. Food and checking on child will give me a chance to work again, this time at Barnes and Noble where there is light.
Alright, you want more. (Do you?) I can offer a link to my gdoc of it. But I remind you again, none of this is legal to offer the publishing world. It’s just fun nonsense. I can send anyone the doc in any attachment they desire.
Perhaps now you believe me when I say the bulk of Be Mine is because of my feelings for 권지용.
Check out more of my stories: [Autist] [Fall in Love] [First Meeting] [Non Human Best Friend] [If Non Humans Could Talk…] [Tsuba Ren] [New Jersey Favorites] [Hartliebe Poems and Shorts] [Of the Coming of the Moon] [Troubled Royals] [Just a Little Bit of Life] [Dove] [Proving Alpha Status] [Be Mine] [Leagende] [P.I.N.C. Natalie the Dragon Rider]
Or if you loved this work leave me a tip: Paypal CashApp
Cat Hartliebe 